Where do I begin ?

Well most people would say at the beginning but believe me that is a lot harder than it sounds and I'm still unsure about this blogging buisness and what I want to share .
 So ill start with now , which is me at home on my bed with my cold feet tucked under the duvet checking Facebook and trying to get off a very annoying level of candy crush saga , blooming game what is there no way to kind of cheat yourself off the annoying levels !

Yes I have nothing better to do , I did however get a message off someone who I briefly saw years and years ago , like 6 years ago or something apologising for being a prick to me , he has two little girls now and said he was lit with them and suddenly he thought about me and nearly choked on his Burger King and realised that he treated me badly so had to say sorry .

Very weird for me as I haven't thought about it at all as it was so long ago and I have no need to think of it but hey I guess bad things may be come back to haunt you and in his case it did and maybe the only way he could stop thinking about it or feel better was to apologise . Unfortunately its also taken this person to get mentally ill too and that saddens me a lot , no one wants anyone to be struggling .

I think a lot , about life love and the universe , well maybe not so much the last thing , I'm also scared of dying , to the point I get panic attacks about no longer being here , not existing and just not being anything that is my biggest fear and unfortunately I have an immune disorder condition called psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis which means that I have to have alsorts of drugs etc and who knows how they will affect my life span but to be without pain and have a better life now I have to have them . Ill probably go in to that more some other time .

I should though also say that I was inspired to try doing these blog thingies by someone else who writes blogs who is a friend due to my condition and I've always liked reading his blogs even though half of it I don't quite understand ( especially cricket stuff ) , I'm glad to have met or know even online people that know what it's like , I don't know anyone near me with it and haven't really met anyone at my hospital although that's about to change as I now have a new friend who is just starting going to see a rhumey at my hospital and I am meeting her next week which will be nice as I don't have any friends where I live they only exist on the Internet or miles away sadly .

 Anyway I think I have probably out stayed my welcome for one night although I don't even know if this will read by anyone other than me anyway .