Sunday, 18 August 2013

Not where I want to be

My life is pretty complicated , I'm not in a place I want to be .
 In 2007 my life  changed forever in a bad way . Before then I thought I had everything I wanted and was happy , but overnight that changed and it all came crashing down and I have been the same since.
Part of it was being diagnosed with my condition but it just made what else happened worse . For years I have been so terribly unhappy , I do get snatched moments of happiness but they aren't long enough and go so fast and soon I'm lying alone thinking too much being so sad again

I long for escape from the life I'm having to live and the happy ever after fairy tale . Will it happen? Is there such a thing as happy ever after ? How much longer will it take ? Non of this I know . I go through the moons of life just waiting .

When I was young I used to cry myself to sleep every night because of how I had to live , what I was subjected to , and now its the same again  . I wonder if it will ever be different.

I have to hope I have to believe it will and live in my dreams until they become reality because what else can I do? without hope there is nothing if I don't believe I have nothing .

Until then i will hide my tears no one will know what I really feel I will smile and pretend as I have done all my life, I will look forward to meeting my friends who will not realise but will be , just for a while taking me out of myself  , letting me be happy and being glad that I have them .


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